What are they - What can we do about them?

We all have negative thoughts, but for some, negative thinking causes a great deal of distress and can seriously impact on your day to day living! So, what exactly are they? Well, you know those horrible ruminating thoughts, that tell us how rubbish we are! We can’t do it? They tell us we are stupid, so why bother! We are useless, no one cares! I can’t do this because! Yep, that’s them.

So, what happens?

Sometimes, we over react, we only see things from one perspective, blowing things out of proportion. They become so big - that you can’t see the wood from the trees. Eventually, this becomes our pattern of thinking, we start to see the worse in absolutely everything (including ourselves)! It’s overwhelming, lonely and all consuming!

We may also turn to maladaptive coping behaviours to manage these negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves.

Maladaptive coping behaviours are the unhealthy coping mechanisms we adopt in order to make us feel better. We use them to forget or divert us away from the distress or discomfort we are experiencing. Yet often, they merely mask the underlying issues and are generally temporary fixers.
Coping strategies may include: Alcohol and drugs, other addictions, risky behaviours, self harm, disconnection from friends and family, also abuse and anger at ourselves and others.

We know that how we think, affects how we feel and also how we behave! It’s the cog that that keeps spinning! For example, if we are constantly thinking that we can not do something, as we are a failure, that will stop us trying to do something (as lets face it, we cant do it anyway - or so we are telling ourselves), this will leave us feeling anxious and sad.
Constant negative thinking leads to emotional distress, this may include depression and anxiety.

An example may be: There is a great job opening at work! You want the job, its perfect (a promotion). But you think you can not go for the job! You tell your self not to bother. You feel unsure and inadequate, you think your co-worker is better than you, this makes you feel anxious, you worry, you do not go for the job! Even though you are perfect for it! You may even feel physically sick as you are so anxious. You feel tension in your shoulders and have butterflies just thinking of it!

So, how does this example fit into the diagram below! What are the effects of the thoughts, feelings and behaviour? What are the bodies responses?

Write it down. You can also use these as templates for your own thoughts.

So what can I do?

To start, know you are not alone! Talking to someone will help, especially if you are feeling distressed and unable to cope. Talk to your therapist in the next session if this is how you feel.

There are also a few simple tips you can also try! Choose the ones that you feel will help you.

• Be aware of the thoughts! Don’t argue - deny, fight or ignore. Observe and notice.

• Stay sitting with the thoughts, you may ask, are these thoughts true? Thoughts are not always facts!

• What evidence do you have to back up your thinking? Or equally the opposite!

• Ask yourself, am I over reacting, blowing it way out of proportion, or not thinking rationally, what am I doing? Explore!

• What would I say to someone else (my mum, a friend, a colleague) if they had this thought, or thoughts?

• What would my life look like if I didn’t have these negative thoughts - what would it feel like? What would I do differently?

• How do these thoughts affect my behaviours?

• When you have a thought, take a second to observe and notice your body, do you have any bodily sensations?

• What other ways can I think of this, write down all the other options.

• What’s a more compassionate response!

• If what you need to do feels overwhelming, break it down into very small chunks. One step at a time. Write a plan.

• Accept we all have limitations and it is OK if we get it wrong.

• Be mindful of how you speak to yourself, would you really talk to someone else like that?

• Practice SELF LOVE and SELF COMPASSION, know your SELF WORTH.

• You can replace the negative thought with a positive thought - Spin it around.

• Again, writing it all down can help, but once you have written it, let that thought go.

• Stay relaxed and use breathing techniques.

• See your thoughts as clouds on the sky, mentally you watch them disappear!

• Talk to someone. Share how you feel.
  
  

  Practice makes this an easier process, it will take time!